Guitarist Jokes

AZ Mike
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Guitarist Jokes

Postby AZ Mike » Sun Aug 06, 2017 7:33 pm

1 – Two jazz guitarists meet in a bar, and one says, “Yeah man, I bought your last album, it was awesome!” to which the other replies, “Oh so that was YOU!"


2 – What’s the difference between some guitar players and a vacuum cleaner?

When you unplug a vacuum cleaner it doesn’t suck anymore.


3 – What’s the difference between a Fender and a Gretsch?

The Gretsch burns longer.


4 – The fact that there’s a Highway To heck but only a Stairway To Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.


5 – What’s the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist?

You might negotiate with a terrorist.


6 – What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.


7 – What’s the difference between a lawnmower and an electric guitar?

You can tune a lawnmower.


8 – How do you figure out who the guitar player is at a party?

He’ll tell you.


9 – Two guys were walking down the street. One was destitute. The other was a guitar player too.


10 – A man asks the Devil: “What will it cost me to be the greatest guitar player in the world?”

The Devil says: “Give me your soul.”

The man says, "Wow. Well, what can I get for just a dollar?”

Devil: “The greatest bass player in the world.”


11 – Why are so many guitar player jokes one-liners?

So the rest of the band can understand them.


12 – How does a guitar player keep his guitar from being stolen?

Stores it in a bass case.


13 – What’s the range of a Gibson Les Paul?

Depends on how far you throw it.


14 – Why do guitarists prefer playing guitar to cycling?

Because with a bike you only get two pedals.


15 – How can you tell when a guitarist is out of tune?

His hand starts moving.


16 – How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?

Nobody knows.


17 – Why bury guitar players 6 feet under?

Because deep down, they’re all very nice people.


18 – How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?

Shoot one.


19 – How do you know someone’s a really good guitarist?

He’ll tell you!


20 – Why do lead guitarists walk around the stage when they play?

To get away from the sound.
21- How do you know when a guitar player is well off?

His wife has two jobs.

22- Why do most musicians never go out for breakfast?

Because most diners stop serving breakfast before noon.

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