1 – Two jazz guitarists meet in a bar, and one says, “Yeah man, I bought your last album, it was awesome!” to which the other replies, “Oh so that was YOU!"
2 – What’s the difference between some guitar players and a vacuum cleaner?
When you unplug a vacuum cleaner it doesn’t suck anymore.
3 – What’s the difference between a Fender and a Gretsch?
The Gretsch burns longer.
4 – The fact that there’s a Highway To heck but only a Stairway To Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
5 – What’s the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist?
You might negotiate with a terrorist.
6 – What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend?
7 – What’s the difference between a lawnmower and an electric guitar?
You can tune a lawnmower.
8 – How do you figure out who the guitar player is at a party?
He’ll tell you.
9 – Two guys were walking down the street. One was destitute. The other was a guitar player too.
10 – A man asks the Devil: “What will it cost me to be the greatest guitar player in the world?”
The Devil says: “Give me your soul.”
The man says, "Wow. Well, what can I get for just a dollar?”
Devil: “The greatest bass player in the world.”
11 – Why are so many guitar player jokes one-liners?
So the rest of the band can understand them.
12 – How does a guitar player keep his guitar from being stolen?
Stores it in a bass case.
13 – What’s the range of a Gibson Les Paul?
Depends on how far you throw it.
14 – Why do guitarists prefer playing guitar to cycling?
Because with a bike you only get two pedals.
15 – How can you tell when a guitarist is out of tune?
His hand starts moving.
16 – How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?
17 – Why bury guitar players 6 feet under?
Because deep down, they’re all very nice people.
18 – How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?
19 – How do you know someone’s a really good guitarist?
He’ll tell you!
20 – Why do lead guitarists walk around the stage when they play?
To get away from the sound.
21- How do you know when a guitar player is well off?
His wife has two jobs.
22- Why do most musicians never go out for breakfast?
Because most diners stop serving breakfast before noon.
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