did you hear that the owner of toyota went to the capital the other day? it wasn't cuz he had a meeting, it was cuz he was driving on c street and couldnt stop and crashed in the building....wah-wahwahwah.....

TWO LADIES TALKING in HEAVEN
1st woman--Hi! My name is Sherry.
2nd woman-- Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get
warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was
cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him
all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running
all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic & searched & down into the basement.
Then I went through every closet & checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked
everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack & died.....
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

Ol Wise Man says:
“Give a man a fish and he will have dinner. Teach him to fish and he’ll be late for dinner!”

Favorite George Carlin one liner:

"Why is it with us it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelet?"

Check your Driver's License online ....??!?!?!?

This Checked "TRUE" on Snopes.com....

THIS IS NOT A JOKE! OUR darn SENATORS
ARE AT IT AGAIN, JUST SOMETHING FOR THEM
TO DO, TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THEY ARE VERY
BUSY WORKING DOING THEIR JOB...YEAH, RIGHT...

I removed mine and 'you' should do the same.

Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the
Internet, including your own! I just searched for
mine and there it was...picture and all!

Thanks Homeland Security!

Go to the web site, and check it out. It's unbelievable!
Just enter your name, city and state to see if yours is
on file.

If your license does come up on the screen, do not worry,
just click the box marked 'Please Remove'. This will
remove it from public viewing, but it will not remove
it from the law enforcement, but that's OK....

Please notify all your friends so that they will also be
able to protect themselves. Believe me they will thank you
for it!
Fill out your full name and also the other info in the so called
John Doe Box......

http://www.license.shorturl.com/

THIS IS VERY SAD NEWS

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection
and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack,
the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain
Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a
man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly
in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not
considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half baked
schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man
and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Playdough, two children, John Dough
and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by
his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please RISE to the
occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone
else who may be having a CRUMBY day and KNEADS a lift..... D t M

Very touching, however, I must point out that the list of celebrities is incomplete as there is no mention of a Mosrite Celebrity.

I propose a 'toast,' in his memory.

please toast responsibly...

Hey Sarah, I don't think they were from a musical family. The closest they might of been would maybe be........'BREAD?'.....